I am exceedingly perturbed that other people named Kristiana exist. And they always want to be my friend on Facebook like “Hey, we have the same name!” I want to say “Hey, I don’t want to be your friend! You don’t even exist! I am THE Kristiana.” the end

reading past journal entries is a trip

damn. the one i just read kinda shook up my whole night, but this one below i found particularly interesting
I must know – WHO did I hug on this day? I wish I wasnt so cryptic

11/08/04

” ‘Stop that.’ Stop that. For whose sake, I wonder? There is a strange rhythm in the body, a pulse that thumps against the flesh, hard and demanding to be heard, when inhibitions are peeled to bone. And what does that mean? ‘Stop that.’ In the midst of an innocent…innocent?…embrace, those words net me with a choked guilt feeling
If I let my mind redirect my body’s pulse, have I not still violated some code, in that my blood beats in directions contrary to my mind and heart…heart?….sometimes? ”

any guesses?

At dusk, we braid the rays of darkness and I use it as a noose

afraid to chase a man so heartless with the blues of useless truth

Now I’ve dug tombs with I Love Yous that never even saw a dawn

drawn fairy tales, unaware he’d sail away into the sun

Rapunzel jumped the gun and now her precious prince is fleeing

and jaded, shaves her locks but she still winces from the feeling

of him leaving/ like ripping scabs from cuts still healing

The abruptness has me reeling, we were lovers, now we’re sealing

last goodbyes, I dam the cries/ My tears have no place

tattooing pillowcases or painting lanes across my face

I only tasted your good grace enough to blanket you in faith

a breath too soon, you red the moon and fray the raising of the day

And in the wake of faceless wraiths, I say your name in vain

I bled cocoons and fed you tunes cuz I refused to lay to grave

my unsatiated dreams and foolish youthful faith in us

Will you save me from the rain of ash that grays these ancient lungs?

and let me croon the incantation waiting patient on our tongues

And when you say we’re much too young, I say your fragrance I have sung

in the cradle of the sun, since we were bathing in its blood

and every day the sky has tasted since we were faces shaped in mud

But everyday you pull away, you paint me a new bruise

While I’m clawing for your love, I’m still faking the aloof

When I declare how much I care I’m aware you ache for proof

and when I bit your bottom lip last night I swear I drank the truth