reading past journal entries is a trip

damn. the one i just read kinda shook up my whole night, but this one below i found particularly interesting
I must know – WHO did I hug on this day? I wish I wasnt so cryptic

11/08/04

” ‘Stop that.’ Stop that. For whose sake, I wonder? There is a strange rhythm in the body, a pulse that thumps against the flesh, hard and demanding to be heard, when inhibitions are peeled to bone. And what does that mean? ‘Stop that.’ In the midst of an innocent…innocent?…embrace, those words net me with a choked guilt feeling
If I let my mind redirect my body’s pulse, have I not still violated some code, in that my blood beats in directions contrary to my mind and heart…heart?….sometimes? ”

any guesses?