intimacy issues
“Seasons. I mean, seasons man. I feel em. It’s hard when there is so much distance, but things like seasons give you something to hold on to, dig your nails in. Like moons. Big beer-colored moons, wheat colored moons, shit that makes your breath get caught up in your throat. You look up. You see a big ass moon, beautiful moon. And you know that thing is big enough and high enough that she can see it right now. If she looks up right now, she’ll see this same moon. And so you smile. That’s why seasons…I mean, moons don’t get like that just all the time. It’s gotta be that slip. Trees sucking color back in, frost just forming. That slip between seasons, summer to autumn, autumn to winter. Shit you know she can feel, that y’all can feel at the same time, like a kiss or a joke.

She wasn’t looking for moons. Or thinking about me gazing up to feel her. There’s so much I didn’t see. She probably ain’t never even catch the sky like that. Such a fool. I was such a fool, to think she gave a damn about December sunsets.

I mean, you ever seen the sun set into the froze-up lake?

But what’s fucked up is it never goes away. I carry her in those moons. She bleeds into my fucking sunsets. Like, I can’t have my own moons anymore. All I feel is her. I mean, all I feel is hurt.

No, I feel nothing.

Man. I don’t feel anything at all.”